“Nobody right, nobody wrong”

I just returned from a get together that my midwife, Cathy threw for all her mothers and our babies. I was just chatting with a good friend about the beauty found in natural labor and birth and what a shame it was that so many women surrender their right for that experience so willingly. Today, being surrounded by so many other women who chose to birth naturally was so energizing. I’m pretty sure this topic has become a passion of mine and I wish every woman would at least explore this option. I feel like the bottom line is that many are afraid that they are not strong enough to go through something so intense. I must admit, I had this concern at different points throughout my pregnancy. However, instead of hindering me, it gave me the motivation to be sure I was doing everything I could to be strong, to be prepared.

I found it difficult to leave the gathering as I thought about going out and facing all the other people who look at me weird when they learn my thoughts and opinions in regards to motherhood and birthing. I am saddened, truely, yet still empowered because I know I have chosen what is right for me and my children. I guess I need to be careful not to be so judgemental…every mother has her perogative, including those who feel differently about what I do. Cathy says it perfectly: “Nobody right, nobody wrong.”

I am blessed to feel and know that I am so much stronger than I think I am. We all are.


3 thoughts on ““Nobody right, nobody wrong”

  1. Hey Hol, I was wondering when you were going to post to the sycamore girl link. If I can have an honest discussion with you about this subject, that would be awesome. And because you are who you are, I know that we CAN have an honest discussion and feelings won’t get hurt. That’s what is so great about you, and one of the characteristics I TRY to have that I learned from you. By the way, if you read my ‘friend’ post a few posts back, you are the first one listed. Now let me argue with you 🙂 ha ha. (That’s like when you gossip about someone, then say “bless her heart” that makes it alright, right?) Anyway, to be honest, one of the reasons that I am so resistant to unmedicated birth is because of the attitude conveyed in your post. You are right, I feel very judged by you and others who feel very strongly about “natural birth.” Zach and I went to a birthing class when we were pregnant with Tyger and the whole class was geared at making us feel guilty for planning on an epidural. The instructor had a metaphor: she said that “think of labor as a really intense and challenging hike; if you have natural labor it’s like actually hiking on foot, and you feel such an accomplishment and such pride when you finish at the top. Having an epidural is like riding the gondola up to the top and really not much of an accomplishment at all.” After this metaphor, we never went back to the class. We feel differently about this metaphor. I feel like having an unmedicated birth is like hiking up the mountain in bare feet and a huge accomplishment. But by having an epidural, I still hike up the mountain but with a great pair of hiking boots, and it is still an equally huge accomplishment. To be honest, I don’t have a good argument mostly because I have only explored and experienced one side of the subject thoroughly. I would have to have a full and unbiased knowledge and experience of the pro’s and con’s of both sides to make a truly educated decision. What I do know, however, is that the bad things I HAVE heard about epidurals are rare, and I have heard an equal number of “horror” stories about unmedicated births. I guess to me, the miracle of it all is bringing a child, a little slice of heaven, into this world. It doesn’t matter how they come, the miracle is THAT they come. I really don’t like the “superiority” attitude of EITHER side, and being able to deal with excessive pain is not something that I personally need to understand my own strength. I am happy for you that it was such a beautiful and strengthening experience, but I guess I have learned and continue to learn about my own strength in other ways. My own experience with epidurals has been very positive. With Tyger, he was posterior. Even through the epidural, my pain was so intense that I was blacking out and almost vomiting. Had I not had the epidural, I feel I would have passed out and missed the whole birth completely. With Tatum, the whole experience was very pleasant and beautiful. I would not change a thing. I’ll tell you what: I probably won’t have another baby for 1-2 years, you have that long to convince me! 🙂 No but really, I am interested in hearing the benefits of an unmedicated birth. Not just “why epidurals suck” because I’ve heard those. I want to know why “natural” births rock! I really want to know, I have not ruled it out completely, I just haven’t been convinced that it is the best way to go. I hope you didn’t find this post mean, you know I like to argue about, well just about everything. I like to embed myself in controversy. Walk on the wild side. Test the limits blah blah blah. (ie. I’m kind of a jerk).

  2. Thank you!! I needed to hear this today. I am due today. I feel excited and ready…mixed with bouts of nerves here and there. It’s both exciting and scary because I KNOW what’s coming! Thanks for being such a great friend. It’s so nice to talk to someone who understands how I REALLY feel.

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