Early Morning Thoughts


I wake up to Tally kickng me. Brilliant. She is such a bed hog. I am beginning to really hate it when she come in our bed at night. It is ME that loses my spot and pillow in bed. Chris is none the wiser. I should tell him because it is HE that sometimes brings her in.

I take Tally back to bed. Its 2:30 a.m.

I pee.

Henry is squirming in  his bed and squeaking which tells me he is beyond just going back to sleep on his own without crying. So I lift him up, decide to change his diaper, and lay him on the bed. Snaps. Uhg. I remember how Chris has said that we should only ever buy zipper pj’s. I agree with him. Henry is cold and naked on his legs. He’s starting to cry so I grab the plug. He takes it, but can’t keep it in by himeslf. I help him. He pees. On the bed. Wonderful. I grab a burp rag. I’ll get to sleep on a towel later. Awesome. And more laundry. Even more awesome. How do I get pee out  a pillow top matress? I love my life right now! Diaper is on. Snaps. Dreaded snaps. I’m so tired. Towel down, I climb back into bed with Henry.

I nurse Henry. He latches on immediately and my mind continues to wander.

For some reason I start thinking about a dress I have. My pageant dress for Miss Kamas Valley. But it didn’t start out as that. It was really a bridesmaid dress from a fancy shop down town. I can’t believe that my poor/broke parents bought it. It was crunch time before my first HS dance. A sophomore attending Jr. Prom. That dress cost over $300 and was a size 8, or was it a 12? I don’t recall. I was a size 2 then. Susie altered the dress in just thee days. It fit so perfectly. That dress was magical at the dance! Later, she altered the dress again to fit my growing body and embellished the bodice with sequins for the pageant. Again I wore it and felt like a queen. Cinderella for sure. The magical dress was altered two more times to meet the needs of other girls. I wonder what size it is right now? I think how amazing Susie was for making that happen for me.

My mind wanders further to recall me asking Susie if she’d make me a vest. They were in style at the time and anyone who was cool was wearing them. It was around Valentines day so she found some neat denim materal with red hearts stamped on it. That vest was cool! The hearts were upside down and I wondered if she meant to sew it like that. I remember I got a picture at a school dance in that vest. It symbolized me being “cool”. But ironically, I am standing alone in the picture. The popular group of girls who had invited me to be in their picture went ahead of me and didn’t tell me. I was too shy to say”Wait for me” so I stood alone in front of a lame backdrop and paid 25 cents for Miss Mitchel to Snap a shop with an old 35 mm camera. I didn’t feel so cool.

I wonder what ever happened to that vest. I know where that pageant dress is. On the hill. (My family’s storage building is on a hill in my hometown)  Should I bring it down so the moths (are there moths up there?) and mice don’t eat it?  I won the pageant in that dress. That dress was a right of passage for me. That dress is heirloom material.

I remember the time when me, Myndy and Mardee (or was it just me and Myndy?) Decided it would be cool and would make a statement to dress like Gothics every Wednesday. We’d call it “Gothic Wednesday”.  Original, Iknow. Turns out the first Wednesday we did it happened to be the day after the shootings at Columbine, HS. Whoopsy.

Back to getting my dress dowon from the hill.

Henry is still nursing. Marke the time: 2:45 a.m.

I would really like to store that huge LOVESAC of ours on the hill, but it would be mice heaven! All that warm foam! We’d have to hang the sac from the rafter, but they’d still get into it from the ceiling rafters. Drop down onto it and take up residence. Guess we won’t put it up tthere. It really just needs to be sold.

Mice. That building is filled with the critters. I used to get paid 25 cents a mouse for catching/killing them. One time a brother of mind made a mouse trap  by making a ramp that led to a bucket of water. The mouse would fall in and drown. Sad. Other traps were ones where they crawl in and get stuck. They’d die of hunger in those traps. Poison. And the classic snap off your head type of trap. I dedided that the most humae way to catch a mouse is the snap off your head kind. If I were a mouse thats how I’d want to die. Quick with bulging eyeballs.

I reflect on all the thoughts I’ve been having since nursing Henry. He’s still going at it. Must’ve hit another growth spurt. He’s not sleeping through the night anymore.
I think about a friend, Bryanna Johnson, and how much I love her blog. I realize that this is how she writes. Fragments and blurbs from her life instead of drawn out stories, yet you still feel like you get the whole story. I think how I’d like to write like that and then realize I just did in my mind. I say to myself: “Go write it down.”

Henry pulls off. It’s always best when it is HIS idea to be finished eating. Its 2:59 a.m.

I lay him back down, grab my journal and find a comfy spot on the couch.



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