The last three days

I’m about done writing about this damn juice fast. I’m so over it.

Only…I’m not.

I’ll be honest, it made me a bit wacky. Like “midlife crisis” wacky. Okay, okay- it wasn’t just the juice fast. It was me. But I’ll tell you, nothing could have prepared me for the emotional junk that just keeps seeping out of me. I haven’t really come back from it all yet…I feel a little on the melancholy side. And I’ve just been letting myself hang out here for a bit. Because maybe I just need to be here and feel. There is something to learn here, and I’ll take what I can get.

I see just how much power over myself I really do have. I have power to decide to eat, or cleanse, or sleep, or exercise, brush my hair, or put on make-up, or smile, or interact with others…or not. Its all up to me. And what I decide has a lot to do with how I feel. Or rather, the things I do have an affect on my emotional state. Duh, right? Ya.

Going on a juice fast has reminded me of this very thing. Let me explain. When we go about our everyday lives, we do so without much thought. We wake up, eat, shower, get dressed…yada yada- we go through our routines as they unfold. We do what works because it always has. And there is little to disrupt that routine (I use “routine” very broadly), unless we decide to change it. Making a calculated change for 10 days (theoretically), even though it was my choice, threw me for a loop. I know, I know- you get it. It was difficult. But really, I don’t think you will understand unless you do this yourselves and realize just how much your being is used to being a certain way. And then, poof! You change your way of being. I think I may now have a greater appreciation for the pain it must be to come off of a drug, or quitting smoking, or overcoming any addiction. Holy moly! I learned compassion for many people I know who have gone through just that. I feel embarrassed for judging.

It is not just food guys. Its a way of being. And choosing that. Yes, the health benefits of doing any type of cleanse are amazing! Detox, weight loss, clearer skin, better hair, clean bowels (I almost wrote clean bowls…and that would also be true, because you don’t use any!). I now realize that a “cleanse” means the Whole Enchilada- your Body, Mind and Spirit. All things physical, emotional and Mental.

So while I’m now enjoying yummy things like this and my amazing veggie tostadas, my Spirit is still on the repair. I’m still sorting and tossing. Still deciding to get back to a better way of being.

It may take me another ten days.

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7 thoughts on “The last three days

  1. You could not have said this any more perfectly! I’m competing in a 10 week health competition which requires (well… “requires” if I want to win or compete. Honestly, I don’t have to do anything.) Anyway, I’m changing a lot about the way I eat, sleep, how much I drink, how I exercise, etc.

    The biggest thing is the food that I eat. I haven’t had a desert or much sugar (which is in so many things from spaghetti sauce to “healthy” cereals) since December 31st and I feel AMAZING!! I’ll be honest- there are times when I CRAVE ice cream or a sugar cookie. But I have resisted the urge. It really is a choice! Last year when I came off this no-sugar fast, I was empowered with the choice of when I wanted to allow that sugary crap into my body. I chose to eat it or turn it away with a perfect knowledge of what it would do to me and how it would make me feel. I had the will power to turn it away for quite some time. That is, until about October, November, and December when I ALLOWED it (sugar) to rule my life again and I ate it without thought, all the time.

    I’m finding the same is so true with how I dress, the clothes I chose, and weather or not I do my hair and put make up on. When I CHOOSE to wear nicer clothes and take care of myself in those ways, I FEEL so much better! It really comes down to that choice. The choices we make create the lives we live, from the thoughts and beliefs we allow into our minds and belief system, to the way we eat and what we wear.

    Thanks for the thought provoking post Holly! Wish you well on you emotional and spiritual healing journey. NaMaste’.

    • Jamie,
      You are the one person I know that has Rock Solid will-power. You are very goal driven and love the be the BEST at whatever you do. I love that about you. Your CHOICE to be like that sometimes exhausts me! But at the same time, is very inspiring. Thanks for that. You know you’re totally going to win that 10 week challenge. So well done in advance. I’m sure you feel like a million bucks because of the choices you are making right now. Both nutritionally and otherwise.

  2. I get what you’re saying and thanks for writing it. It’s always fun to read your thoughts and I’m also inspired to try to eat a little healthier. I’ve been struggling a bit with that during this pregnancy…

    So what about your veggie tostadas? Do we get to have that recipe too?

    • I hope people get what I’m saying. I just read this post again and realize how disjointed and confusing it is. Oh well. Its an abstract concept. I should write more solid things, like you. 🙂 Thats why I love your writing. You’re like, BAM! BAM! BAM! There- its written, done and it makes sense. Perfect. 🙂

      I’ll post the Tosada recipe.

    • If I ever figured myself out, I think my life would become boring. I’m the most interesting specimen I know right now. So I’ll continue to examine myself in every aspect I can…and hopefully there will remain some territory unexplored…

      And Becky- YOU are amazing. I miss your face!

  3. I just love you. I really do. Reading all about your juice cleanse is truly insightful so thank you for taking the time to write about it.

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